Last night I read a book about a man who had a near death experience, and felt how immensely God loved and appreciated him. I longed to feel that as well, and I decided to pretend that it was true, that I was deeply loved by the Divine.
It was also something that felt very right. I do think I’m loved, and yet it’s hard to trust it. How can it be true when I make so many mistakes?
Lying in my bed I felt like I was resting in love, and it was such a great change from how I normally feel. It was such a relief.
And my night was very different. I astral projected. At first I stood in darkness next to my bed, but as I moved away everything became crystal clear. I flew through my window and into the sky. I was alone and it was dark, but somehow it was easy to see, as though everything was lit by the light of a full moon.
I got up before dawn, still with a sense of magic, and saw the orions belt and pleiades glittering outside my window.
I went outside and it was not even cold. I gazed up at the sky and touched the birch tree I often say hello to, and I could see the stars like pin points of light between its branches.
It was harder to feel loved once I was awake. I sat down and remembered my night, and spoke with the Goddess, but I felt anxious and a little down without quite knowing why.
I took the bus to a friend, the sun just coming up from behind the mountains. It was dazzling; all that sunlight and blue sky, the lake like black velvet.
We drank tea and talked for a long time. I felt refreshed and started to remember what I wanted, what was important to me. It felt like a sacred time.
Thank you for this day.