This morning a bird flew into my window, and lied very still on its back, heart racing. I put my white shawl over it, to keep it warm, and prayed for my Divine Mother to heal it, though I did not believe She would.
I went out later, to check on it, thinking I’d find it dead, but instead it was sitting up under its blanket, staying very still.
I returned back inside and sat down on my chair, feeling the Goddess smile knowingly. I covered my face with my hands, though no tears came.
I went back to the window several times to check on the bird, but it only sat there, blinking.
Then finally, about the fourth time I checked, I saw that it had moved a little more, and I prayed again for the Goddess to heal it, and then the wind blew, and the little bird moved its head this way and that, suddenly coming back to life. It jumped out from under its blanket, (with me cheering it on from behind the window), and quickly flew away.
I sat down and wrote a bit, feeling into what had just happened. I remember there was something about being more loved than birds, in the Bible, and decided to look it up.
Do Not Worry
Matthew 6:25-27New International Version (NIV)
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “
If my Divine Mother can heal a small bird, can’t She also heal me? Won’t She also protect and keep me safe? I keep doubting her, unwilling to let go of my troubles, to put it all on her. It seems a bit much, I’m afraid it’s too good to be true; bad things will surely happen if I relax. So I cling to my worries a little longer, but I want to let go, I’m getting tired.
It will happen. I know. Like the slow melting of snow.
The idea of being a priestess is something that has often inspired me on my spiritual journey. It made me feel a sense of reverence in everything I did.
When trying to be aware during the day I would go about things as I imaged a priestess would. She would do things in awareness, no matter what it was, cooking, arranging flowers, talking to people, putting on her shoes. Most importantly, the Goddess would be at the center of her life. Everything she did would be an act of worship, even something as simple as brushing her teeth.
I’ve found that I’m the happiest when I’m near my divine mother, when I have faith, when I feel her love. And I’ve found that I can be close to her in everything I do, but that I have to work to get there. I have to put my divine mother first and try to understand what she wants for me, and try to do her will.
There must have been a time when priests and priestesses gathered at the temple in worship of the Goddess. Perhaps there were buildings of white stone by the water, or on a mountain, surrounded by trees. A place filled with the sounds of nature, of birds and little streams, and of singing, people singing their love for divinity.
I want to get closer to my divine mother, closer closer, always closer. It’s difficult, there are a lot of things inside of me that fights back, that want things to stay as they are, that doesn’t want to feel love, that likes misery. It’s so easy to throw good things away.
Lets gather in a circle, in our robes, around a sacred fire. Here we pledge to follow the goddess, let her into our hearts and to guard the love she gives us the best we can. We will practice to be present, to be near her and to see others in a clearer light. We will study our dreams and learn to walk the dream world. There are so many ways she can teach us, we need to be open to feel her guidance, in this world and in the one that is hidden (the dream world).
Walking with the Goddess. The cold air, white ground, white all around me. The trees are heavy with snow, the sky a heavy grey, the wind steadily increasing.
I stop in one of my favorite spots, where the stream trickles through the silence all around me. It’s not very cold, and I feel pleasantly warm in my thick jacket, happy to be in nature again.
I feel like a priestess. I relax. My heart is open. Something inside of me shakes, perhaps from fear. It’s hard to stay present, to not tense up and hide again. I open myself to the Goddess, to her guidance. I ask her questions, little things that trouble me, wondering if it’s Ok for me to be at peace.
Something glitters inside of me. It feels like the touch of the Goddess. I look at the pristine snow and it reminds me of her.
For your Mother bore you, keeps life within you. She has given you her body, and none but she heals you. Happy is he who loves his Mother and lies quietly in her bosom. For your Mother loves you, even when you turn away from her. And how much more shall she love you, if you turn to her again? I tell you truly, very great is her love, greater than the greatest of mountains, deeper than the deepest seas.
~ The Essene Gospel of Peace
Sometimes words escape me. Sometimes I don’t know how to put words to how I feel about my divine mother, the goddess. It inspires me to read what others have to say about her. Who she is and why she disappeared from society, religion, our lives.
Below is a video about the goddess as well as a link to an article that inspires me deeply.
I always liked the idea of worship through dance. I have a secret wish to dance around a bonfire, beneath the stars, in a forest.
I felt closer to my divine mother as I danced. I moved gently, going with what felt good. It felt like a prayer. As I moved I connected with my heart and everything I did was out of longing to be close to her.
She was a priestess in worship of the goddess, and as she worked in the temple she was conscious of every movement her body made. Everything she did was a prayer to the goddess. As she went to the lake for water she did it in the magic awareness of the divine mother. Love was at her finger tips as she rearranged the flowers….
You walk into a forest. Here you can let your spirit rest.
There are no sounds but those of nature. You can feel yourself breathing. Slowly. The sun is on your face and in your hair. The air is cool.
Everything is different shades of green. The sun filters through the trees and lights everything up.
You feel your feet on the ground. Your skin tingle. The power of the earth goes through you, making everything flow again. You feel like crying. You want to just be but duty and guilt gets in the way.
But in the forest everything just is. There are no worries here. Everything is right.
You wonder why you don’t come more often. Will you go tomorrow? The day after? What if all this beauty passes and you’re not here to see it?
A crow can be heard in the distance. Fading. Then silence. A small stream trickles downs rocks and green moss. The ground is dry. It hasn’t rained for over a week. Its the last days of summer. Autumn is in the air. The forest is more silent than it used to be. The birds are leaving.
There is a small breeze. You feel it on your hands and feet, your face and in your hair. The treetops move gently against a white and blue sky.
A lonely bird sings sweetly. There. Its call is answered.
In this silence, can you feel what you truly feel? Do you know what you need? What worries you? Do you know how to let it go?
With you feet on the ground you can feel the healing energy of the earth. You can feel it in the air, in the beauty of color, in the dirt trail that winds between the trees.
You are loved. You are protected.
A small voice whispers it to you. You feel hard, not knowing how to embrace this healing truth. Somewhere deep inside you feel like crying again. How do you open up to the unconditional love of the divine mother? She seem so distant at times. Is she even there?
Then, you almost see her. Walking between the trees. Silently. In a long, glittering gown. Your beautiful goddess.
I am here. I will never leave you. Allow the tears to come if you can. I embrace you with my love, my beautiful daughter.