This is something that trickled out of me one morning. I had no idea what to write. I felt quite anxious, afraid even, and so I just started putting down the first words that came to me.
I long for the Goddess, I look for her in everything, but I also fear her in a way, of the change she’s bringing, wondering just how far I can lean into her love and guidance.
I feel the Goddess inside of me, like a white light, a glow that I can rest in, and I feel myself sinking, sinking into trust, letting myself fall, knowing she’ll catch me.
I feel her love for me, if I’m silent, if only I dare to sit still for a time. It’s like a distant glimmer of something, something precious, something wonderful, a light that grows closer the more I feel into it, the more I sense it, and know that it’s there.
It’s difficult to sit with myself, to face everything I am. I want to cry. I want to escape. I can rush around all day, and she’s always there, but I don’t feel her, I don’t listen, I run from myself and her love, and I wonder why she’s left me, when I’m the one who leaves, who forgets.
But as I sit still, like this, I start to notice the world again, and how magical it truly is. How wonderful. There is a subtle bliss in simply noticing life. How wonderful it is to be alive, to experience being human, to feel my own heart beating, to listen, to breathe in the scent of spice, and notice the details of the table cloth, the flickering candle, yellow fire dancing. The tiny drops of rain in the trees, the sky subtly changing from white to baby blue.
I feel the true magic is in Her. It is in Love. To be loved for no reason at all, to be humbled by it, astounded, confused, and finally accepting, opening up, having the courage to receive generously, to let it fill me up, and watch it trickle, like a stream, unto others.
I walk in the love of the Goddess. I walk in her light. She’s in everything, in nature, in me. I feel lost without her, abandoned, without guidance and strength. Without her, the light goes out of the world, and there is a shadow to everything, even those things that dreams are made of, even those things that should bring great joy, have no meaning without Her. Without love, life itself loses its meaning. And I become a lost wanderer, looking for the light, crying out for it, though I might not know it.
I’m scared to move on, I look for courage, and I find it in Her. I feel her smiling, walking with me, along this narrow path of light. I see Her as a loving Mother, as a terrible warrior of fire and light, the darkness retreating.
Do you feel loved, at least, at times? Do you feel loved right now?