There are prisms of light in the trees today, drops of rain that fell at night, and now the sun sparkles through them, making me catch my breath, making me pause what I’m doing and lean a little closer, holding my cup of tea, sipping it slowly, drinking in rays of beauty.
I feel a well opening up inside of me, that I can drink from, that somehow is the Goddess, love everlasting. Sometimes when the day has waned a bit, and I’m getting tired, and I’m alone with myself, I get anxious, feeling there is something inside of me that I want to hide from. But my mind is too tired to hold onto words on screens or in books, and I grow restless, afraid of myself, and I reach for her. If only I could be with her always.
I’ve felt alone a lot in my life, and now I wonder if that void was formed inside of me so that I could fill it with her, her light, her love, so that I would search for the God and Goddess.
I’ve had moments when all I felt was her presence, wrapping itself around me in love, in rose colored light, that made everything around me seem like rose and beauty, and the simplest of things spoke to me because she was in it. I remember staying at a friend’s place, and lying down on the bed, just staring at the fluttering curtains, the night deepening around me, and being lost in the simple beauty of the wind and dancing fabric, feeling so close to her that my heart swelled and almost hurt to the point of breaking.
It felt like a held a secret, a precious gem inside of me, that I needed to protect. But then it faded, the outside world seeping in, or rather it grew more important than her. I wanted to please people, make them like me, and I felt what they felt, and read them like an open book and I didn’t know how to shield myself, protect what was growing in my heart. But I’m learning still, how to walk with her, how to place at the center of my day, my life.
There is a quote from Jesus, from The Book of Thomas the Contender that touches me, makes me yearn for a place of strength and rest and truth.
And the savior answered, saying, “Blessed is the wise man who sought after the truth, and when he found it, he rested upon it forever and was unafraid of those who wanted to disturb him.”
My book – From Darkness to Light
Video on the Goddess